Daily Devotional

I have the privilege of doing quite a bit of marriage counseling. When a struggling couple comes to see me, one of the first questions I like to ask them is, “Tell me about the premarital counseling you went through prior to your wedding day.” It is amazing to me how often the answer I receive is, “We met once with our Pastor to plan the wedding, but that was it.” Or worse yet, “We fell in love and ran off to the Justice of the Peace and got married. We thought love would be enough to carry us. And a year or two later we realized, it wasn’t.”

Well after hearing these scenarios play out again and again, I decided to do something about it. So Jenn and I started an 8-week premarital class called Merge aimed at couples who are seriously dating or engaged. It will meet from 4:00–6:00 Sunday afternoons beginning in March at our Maple Campus. It is a gospel-focused, curriculum-based class with regular attendance expected, and homework each week. It’s $40 a couple.

Here are some of the topics we will cover.
1. A Biblical View of Marriage - What does God say about marriage? Genesis 1:27 - “So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him, male and female He created them.” Genesis 2:24 - “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” We will talk about God’s design for marriage. And we will talk about the importance of staying pure sexually until you’re married.

2. Communication and Conflict - Learning how to effectively express needs and concerns to each other. Learning to listen and understand. Learning to reflect back. Developing strategies to address disagreements in a healthy and constructive manner. In short, learning to conflict well.

3. Biblical Roles - What is the husband’s role? What is the wife’s role? Ephesians 5:22 - “Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands as to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:25 - “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,” This is a key topic for husbands and wives. Men and women are equal in God’s eyes, but He has given us different roles in marriage. Understanding this is critical to sustain health in a marriage for the long haul.

4. Strengthening Your Relationship - What part does God play in your relationship before you’re married. If you’re waiting to get married to decide on a church to attend. Or if you’re going to church without your significant other, what makes you think that’s going to change once you’re married. It’s not. You need to know how important the Lord is right now.

5. Finances - Most divorces today center around financial issues. So we discuss financial expectations, the importance of debt management, and spending habits, to avoid future conflicts over money.

6. Expectations, Family, and In-Laws - Another big reason people get divorced is in-laws. So often the family of origin is intrusive and selfish. For a young married couple with intrusive parents on one side or the other, how do they deal with in-laws? How much say do they have? And what are your marital expectations? So often couples struggle with unexpressed expectations. We talk about expectations prior to the wedding, so there are no surprises.

7. Sexual Intimacy - In a marriage, sex is a celebration of the intimacy in a marriage. Intimacy in sharing feelings, dreams, expectations, hopes. Intimacy in shared responsibility for managing the household. Intimacy in meeting needs in each other’s lives. Then when it comes time for sex, it’s a celebration, not a chore.

8. Understanding Your Spouse - How can you continue to grow even after you’re married? Do you really know each other? Stay true to each other through the phases of life, pre-children, children, adult children, empty nest, etc. Now I have to say that it is hard to get 20-somethings thinking about being empty-nesters because it’s a long way off. But learning to seek understanding helps establish good habits to sustain you through the phases of life.

I can’t tell you the number of married couples who have come up to me since we started Merge and said, “Man do I wish we had something like this when I was getting married. It would’ve saved me a world of hurt.”

You may say, “For me, that ship has sailed. I’m already married.” My response is, “If that’s true, then who do you know who could use a class like Merge?” If you know a couple or couples who are in this stage of life, let them know we have a class starting at Campus Bible Church, and we’d love to have them join us.

New American Standard Bible®,
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